so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
