If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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