What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
