So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
