Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
