the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
