marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
