omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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