His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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