i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
