I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
