i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
