She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How external is "for external use only"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
