I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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