I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
