just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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