A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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