I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
