It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
