o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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