I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
