I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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