I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
