I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
