Michael Bay diarrhea
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize