How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
