So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
