I heard we made out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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