she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
