Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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