fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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