No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
