Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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