is your mom at the bar?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
