It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
