So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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