Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
