I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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