I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"