I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?