Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!