I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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