you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?