my soul wont recognize me after tonight
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.