Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good