On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head