Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my being single is dangerous.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!