I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
