So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
