my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
