discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
