Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
did you just send me my own nude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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