Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You are the jesus of drinking
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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