I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
