i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
