i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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