The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Someone signed my nipple.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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