Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
