Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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