How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
