i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
