I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
