i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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