did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
