may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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