great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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