these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
