I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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