i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
