i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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