so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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