it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
