Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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