Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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