That's intense
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
