I must be too annoying 4 u.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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