if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
