wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize