dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
