What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
