Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
