So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
