i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
