I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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