he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They took my balls.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
